Starting Daycare? 5 Tips to Make the Transition Smoother For You and Baby

The first day of daycare can feel like a leap into the unknown—for both you and your baby. You’ve packed the tiny backpack, labeled every bottle and blanket and talked about all the fun they’ll have. Still, the thought of handing your baby over to someone else—whether they’re just a few months old or well into toddlerhood—can tug at your heart in unexpected ways.

I’ve been on both sides of this moment: as a preschool teacher welcoming teary-eyed little ones and as a parent of two, smiling through my own misty goodbyes. 

Daycare transitions can be bumpy, but they also open the door to incredible growth, independence and fun. With the right preparation, there are a few things you can do to make the shift a little easier for everyone. I talked to Michelle Charriere, an infant mental health expert and founder of Babies and Brains, a platform that supports children’s social-emotional development and helps parents build strong attachment, for tips to help the transition go smoothly.

Know What’s Happening Developmentally

Starting daycare isn’t just a change in routine—it’s a big emotional shift for your child and for you. Knowing what’s behind those tears (or clinging hugs) can help you respond with empathy and patience. Separating from parents is a significant milestone for little ones. And while you never really know how your child will react, you probably have an idea based on their temperament and how much time apart you’ve had from them.

In the early years, your child’s main sense of safety comes from their attachment to you. “When we encounter change or something novel in our environment, we are ‘on alert’ in case this change comes with danger. A secure attachment relationship helps the child feel safe to explore new things and know that if they need protection, they can seek it out from their trusted caregivers,” says Charriere. When they feel secure with you, they’re better able to build trust with other caregivers—like their new teacher.

Learning to connect with another caregiver is an important step in their social-emotional development. It builds resilience, supports emotional regulation and expands their sense of safety beyond home. “To maintain security during this transition, it’s important for parents to continue attuning to their child’s needs, honoring the child’s emotional experience and supporting their feeling of safety in exploration,” Charriere says. “And repair when we get off track—because we’re human,” she adds. 

Understand Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety often peaks between 8 and 18 months but can show up well into toddlerhood, especially during transitions. Some children may be hesitant with new people and surroundings from day one, while others seem fine at first  (the “honeymoon phase”) and then struggle after a week or two once they realize the change is here to stay. Both are normal.

In the US, babies whose parents take parental leave often start daycare between four and six months—right around the time separation anxiety begins to emerge. Around six months, babies understand that you exist even when you’re out of sight (object permanence), but they don’t yet know you’ll always return. This can make goodbyes especially tough.

Babies and toddlers often take emotional cues from their caregivers. So trying to remain calm can help your child mirror that emotion. “It’s not about having zero anxiety before a big transition—that’s so normal—but it is something we want to be mindful of,” Charriere says.

When and How to Start Preparing

Babies and toddlers are super observant (even if they’re not yet verbal), so it’s helpful to start preparing them a few weeks before their first day. Charriere says if you start touring centers or buy them their first backpack, “their little gears may already be turning, trying to figure it out.”

Start introducing the idea by talking with your baby or toddler about going to school, what their day may look like and who their teacher is. I also recommend taking them along to visit their new daycare (or “school” as we called it) so that it’s not totally brand new on their first day.

Here are a few ways to help your child feel more comfortable:

• Introduce a comfort item. Emily, a mom of two, shared, “With one of ours who was a little clingier—about 26 months old—we got a special object, a Jellycat bunny. It lived in their backpack and came out at school as their ‘school bunny.’ It didn’t replace their favorite stuffed animals at home, but it was something special they only had at school.” (Just make sure your center allows these kinds of items.)

• Keep familiar routines. Whether it’s morning snuggles or a special song, sticking with your normal routine helps children feel grounded. Knowing what comes next can ease anxiety.

• Talk positively about daycare during playtime. You can say things like, “Your new teacher will love reading books with you!” or make up a simple social story about your child’s daycare routine—who their teacher is, what they’ll do and when you’ll pick them up. You don’t need spectacular artistic skills or anything fancy to make this work.

• Read books about daycare transitions. Stories like The Kissing Hand, Llama Llama Misses Mama and Bye-Bye Time help little ones understand what’s coming next.

• Try pretend play. Charriere also recommends role-playing with your child’s favorite stuffed animals to help them explore and express feelings about the change. It’s a gentle, low-pressure way to work through new routines together.

Pro Tips for Drop-Off

So you’ve done all the prep, and the first day has arrived. Here’s how to keep the drop-off as smooth as possible. 

#1 Always say goodbye. 

As tempting as it can be to sneak out once your little one seems occupied with an activity, saying goodbye helps build trust. They need to know you’ll always return.

#2 Keep it short and upbeat. 

Lingering too long can sometimes make it harder for your child to settle, but that also doesn’t mean you need to do a swift “drop and go.” Try to create a short and sweet routine that ends with a confident goodbye. In my classroom, we had a sequence of events that created a “drop-off routine” of sorts, and it took a minute or two. The families would arrive, put their little one’s backpacks in their cubby and then wash hands together before handing them off to the teacher and saying goodbye. 

“I've found it helpful to make it a quick separation, and the teachers are great at supporting this. I say goodbye, and give him a quick kiss,” says Cassie, a mom of four- and two-year-olds, who both started daycare around five and a half months old.

Having been in the classroom, soothing toddlers at drop-off, I can assure you: most little ones calm down within a minute of their caregiver leaving. We always had a plan to call families if a child truly couldn’t settle—but in all my years, I never actually had to make that call.

#3 Create a special goodbye ritual. 

Whether it’s a hug and a phrase you repeat (like “see you after snack time”), that consistency and predictability goes a long way to making little ones feel secure in their surroundings. Saying see you later is also a good way to bridge the time apart, holding them over until pick up time and reinforces that you’ll be back.

#4 Hand them off to a consistent caregiver. 

Familiar faces matter. Remember, consistency is so important for little kids. When I was a caregiver, we always made sure to have the same teachers at drop-off in the morning so that the children would see a familiar face right away. If you can, try to pass them to the same teacher each day.

#5 Bonus: Ease into daycare with shorter days at first. 

If your center allows it, start with short visits and gradually lengthen the day—this kind of warm-up period can make a big difference. Charriere recommends “easing in” with shorter visits until your child is more comfortable. When I was teaching, this was built into the schedule during intake sessions with new families: we’d plan for earlier pickups the first two or three days, then gradually extend the time over the course of the week.

Several parents I spoke to shared how helpful this kind of transition was for their families. Brooke, a mom of one, said, “A week before we started at daycare, we did ‘practice runs,’ where we dropped him off for a few hours instead of a full day.” Caitlin, mom of a soon-to-be one-year-old, shared, “We did a practice session for [about] 90 minutes where I stayed. She got to be in the room around the other kids and teachers, so there was at least a little familiarity for her first real day.”

Check with your daycare provider to see if a gradual start is an option. It can help your child ease into the new environment without becoming overwhelmed. 

What to Expect in the First Few Weeks

Many parents might wonder how long the tough part will last. Every child is different, but for many families, it takes a few days to a couple of weeks to fully adjust. Having consistent drop-offs and staying in communication with your provider can help smooth the process.

Ultimately, even when you do everything “right,” there may still be tears—and that’s okay. According to Charriere, what’s most important isn’t whether your child cries at drop-off, but whether the caregiver can confidently soothe them—and your child feels secure enough to explore and return for support when they need it. 

So much depends on your child’s temperament and their stage of development, especially when it comes to separation anxiety. The most important thing is to give both yourself and your baby the space and time to adjust. With consistency, support and a little patience, it will get easier.

Remember: You’re Adjusting Right Along With Them

It’s okay if you feel emotional, too. The first day can bring up guilt, worry or even relief—and all of those feelings are valid. Give yourself the same compassion and patience you’re giving your child.