Grandma Showers Divide Parents—Here's What They Actually Support
We asked parents about grandma showers. Their takes were loaded—but they shared how to celebrate without alienating parents.
In This Article
Baby showers have evolved once again. But unlike co-ed showers, baby sprinkles, display showers and nesting parties—which all celebrate a new baby’s parents—the latest iteration puts an older generation in the spotlight instead.
Welcome to the grandma shower era.
And according to the 3,000 Babylisters we polled, not everyone is here for it. In fact, over a third of our audience described the idea as “Ugh. Rude.” (with some having much more choice words than those).
But after reading their responses, we noticed something surprising: parents aren’t actually against celebrating grandparents. They just can’t get on board with anything that feels like a second baby shower that competes with their own. Their comments revealed a surprisingly consistent playbook for throwing a grandma shower thoughtfully—one that celebrates grandparents without competing with the expecting parents.
What is a ‘Grandma Shower’?
In theory, a grandma shower is just like a baby shower, but for the grandparents: it's a celebration of becoming a grandparent that may also help stock a grandparent's home with baby essentials for future visits. The trend is making waves in mainstream media, including on recent episodes of Live With Kelly and Mark and The Today Show.
Some grandma showers are thrown by grandmothers themselves. Others are given by friends or coworkers—or even hosted by the expecting parents (like this surprise grandmother shower). It’s easier to find examples of why parents-to-be are irked by the concept than it is to find stories about grandma showers done right.
We’re delving into the whole idea of grandma showers, and why they bring up such strong feelings…but also, how they can be done right, if the concept appeals to you.
The Less-Obvious Pros of a Grandma Shower
We get why grandma showers can feel uncomfortable or unwanted. For many families, a baby shower isn’t just a fun tradition—it’s an important way to feel supported and help secure the essential baby items they’ll need. And who would want to feel like that milestone is being muddled by a grandparent having their own shower?
We’ve also realized grandma showers may have a branding problem: thinking of them as another kind of “shower” makes it hard to understand and embrace them. When pulled off properly, they’re really just a special way to celebrate a grandma’s new chapter, but more on that later. First: here are a few practical grandma shower benefits to consider, which might help you warm up to the idea of them.
They set grandparents up to help
If a grandparent is going to be watching a baby at home, they’re going to need (and want) some basic baby gear. And outfitting a second home with baby gear gets expensive fast. Grandma showers are a helpful way to offset the cost of a second set of baby items—particularly big-ticket pieces for sleep and travel. (Many grandparents, including influencer Brunch With Babs for example, have their own car seats installed and ready for cruising around with the grandkids at a moment’s notice.)
They double as a friendly primer on updated baby gear safety
We asked our pregnant audience, “What kinds of parenting & baby information do you wish the grandparents or other support systems in your life knew more about?” And the majority response from over 300 Babylisters was “safe baby gear” over other options from parenting styles to gifts modern parents want.
It’s likely because what’s considered safe changes constantly, with entire baby gear categories being challenged some years. It’s hard for any parent (let alone grandparent) to keep up: we see that reflected in the steady traffic to our constantly updated list of recent recalls and list of hand-me-down baby gear that’s no longer safe. Many grandparents have no idea that items they’re familiar with, or even sentimental heirlooms they’ve saved for future generations, have been banned in some cases.
So allowing grandparents to be showered with new baby gear for your new arrival doubles as an education in what’s considered safe nowadays: it opens the door for parents to have a more organic conversation with grandparents about why, say, a pack and play is a good idea (and a drop-side crib needs to go). It’s also a good excuse to share our expert-approved guide to The Best Gear for Grandparents’ House as gift inspiration for guests.
Healthier grandparents (and grandkids)
Research indicates that involved grandparents benefit from spending time with their grandbabies, too. Studies point to myriad benefits spanning cognitive function, happiness, physical wellbeing and more. And we hear it’s also true for grandchildren: a steady grandparent presence can have a healthy impact on a child’s development. Of course you don’t need to get behind a grandma shower in order to support a strong relationship between the grandparents and your new baby—but it could be a positive first step toward letting them feel as involved as possible from the start.
How to Throw a Grandma Shower—the Right Way
“What are your thoughts on having a baby shower for grandma?” We asked a simple question on Instagram and in our newsletter, and quickly learned that grandma showers have an etiquette problem—not an idea problem. Thankfully, Babylisters also shared exactly what separates the thoughtful ones from the eye-roll-inducing ones.
Of course, every family is different, and not all of these ideas will apply to yours. But taken together, they paint a pretty clear picture of the kind of grandma shower parents can actually get behind.
Keep the focus on grandma’s new role
The easiest way to distinguish a grandma shower from a baby shower? Celebrate becoming a grandparent—not preparing for a baby. Skip the baby shower games. Nix the nursery themes. Instead, focus on grandma and her new role.
“It's a huge and exciting new stage of life,” said one Babylister on Instagram. “Why say no to celebrating any exciting moment in life?” asked another. We love the theme of the surprise grandmother shower we shared above, for example: “Lele’s Grandest Chapter,” with literary decor to match.
Several parents also mentioned they would feel more comfortable with grandma having a small party, lunch or dinner instead of a “shower.” So even if you’re throwing a grandma shower, you might try writing the invitation without using the word “shower” at all. It helps set expectations from the very beginning. Something like “Joan Is Going to Be a Grandma! Cheers!” or “Join us for Dinner to Celebrate Becky’s New Grandma Chapter!” gets the point across with impressive clarity.
(Love “Lele”? Here are ideas for choosing a unique grandparent name.)
Let grandma’s village host
One very strong theme that emerged: the people celebrating grandma should be largely her people (not the mom-to-be’s guests). Whether it’s friends, coworkers or pickleball partners, grandma’s own circle is likely to want to celebrate this milestone anyway. Let them take the lead.
As one Babylister put it: “It's super cute if her friends who are already grandmas throw it and share their mistakes and experiences.” Another confirmed how nice it can be: “My mother-in-law’s friend threw her one; it was actually really sweet!” Another way of thinking about it: let anyone but the expecting parents host.
Avoid overlapping guest lists
Another big objection we heard is asking the same people to celebrate (and shop for) the same family twice. If a grandma’s going to have a book club brunch or office celebration, her guest list takes care of itself—and there’s no reason to bring in anyone from the baby shower guest list (including, in many cases, the mom-to-be). A good litmus test? If grandma’s guest list starts looking a lot like the parents’, it's probably worth rethinking.
Be clear about the kinds of gifts grandma needs
In our poll, parents consistently supported grandma showers when grandma would be providing regular child care at her home. “My mom had one! She watches my son while I'm at work, so she needed all the essentials,” said one Babylister. “Love this! We had to buy doubles of lots of things for my parents,” said another whose first baby was born before she was aware of the trend.
But different grandparents will want and need different things.
If grandma will provide regular child care, consider sharing our guide to The Best Gear for Grandparents’ House and The Best Car Seats for Grandparents as gift inspiration. Or pick one item and invite guests to contribute toward the cost. Parents told us that the items they recommend most for grandma’s house include:
Car seat (rotating—to save their back)
If grandma doesn’t need all that, consider instead:
Group gifts that fit a grandparent’s lifestyle, like a jogging stroller for a Mimi who’s always on the move
Small, thoughtful items like “bring your favorite children’s book” for a Gigi who loves to read
No gifts (share your favorite family traditions or grandparenting advice instead)
And let the parents know—first
Expecting parents should never be surprised by a grandma shower. Keeping everyone feeling excited and comfortable can be as easy as a quick, informal conversation about the idea before any plans have been circulated or money has been spent.
Of course there will be instances where this isn’t necessary or feasible. For example, if grandma lives far away and has a circle of friends or colleagues who have never met the mom-to-be and would never have been invited to the baby shower anyway, let them live! For all other events, though, it’s a good idea to let the expecting parents know (and express any concerns) first.
A Final Thought on Grandma Showers
Our poll revealed one thing pretty clearly: the most successful celebrations don't compete with new parents—they support them. Whether that support looks like a few practical baby essentials, a small lunch with grandma's friends or simply recognizing an exciting new chapter, Babylisters agree that the best celebrations strengthen the family's village rather than dividing the spotlight.
If you’ve read this far and would rather skip the grandma shower altogether, there are still ways to help grandparents get ready. Babylisters who felt similarly said they added two of certain items to their own registry, to help set up grandma’s house. You could also add a Cash Fund to your Babylist that’s specifically for grandparent gear, so that you have the funds to set them up with baby gear you love, later (a particularly helpful move if you’re still unsure what exactly they’ll need).
