Choosing Childcare: Stay-at-Home Parent
Choosing Childcare: Stay-at-Home Parent
In our exclusive survey, 34% of families said they preferred to have one parent stay at home.

In our exclusive survey, 34% of families said they preferred a stay-at-home parent.
How does that work out in practice? Erik and Robin Inlow worked for the same online education company, so as they contemplated taking time off after the birth of their daughter, they had similar logistical considerations. But as they weighed their options, they were pulled in very different directions.
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In their rural corner of Northwest Iowa, daycare options were oversubscribed and expensive, which meant that they were considering a center about 20 minutes away from home, says Robin, who does data management, among other things, for the company. She knew she wanted to take her full-time leave and then transition back slowly, working from home as much as she could. Meanwhile, Erik, who was in tech support, felt burned out by work and was searching for a change. âMy older coworkers all said the same thing: They missed the days when their kids were small, or wished that they spent more time with them,â he says. âEven if they did spend time, they wished they had more.â
âDaycare options were limited and expensiveâand even those were about 20 minutes away.â
As her due date approached, Robin reflected that they only people she really trusted with her child were herself and Erik. One night, as they were contemplating their options, Robin made an offhand comment to Erik: âMaybe you should stay home.â
Then they thought about it. âThatâs a good idea,â said Erik.
Benefit: Quality time. Erik says that one of his coworkers pushed him to make the leap: âHe said, âYour child is going to be one for 364 days, and theyâre only going to learn their ABCs once. You donât want to realize that you only get one go âround with your kids until afterwards.ââ One added bonus that is unique to their situation is that Robin works from home: âIf I have a question, we have both of our minds there,â says Erik. âAnd if anything goes on during the day, sheâs there to find out.â
Benefit: A leaner lifestyle. The price of daycare was so high that it practically canceled out Erikâs salary. âMy staying at home probably put us in a better financial situation,â he says. He spends little on clothes, and without a daily half-hour commute, they save considerably on gas; theyâre even thinking of downsizing from two cars to one.
Challenge: Extra shifts. In order to maintain their income while staying home, Erik has taken a part-time job at night. And since days with a baby can be very long, it sometimes feels that heâs never quite off: âThe majority of the week we donât get too much time together, to see friends and family or go to community functions,â he says. âWeâll get to the end and Iâll think, Have Robin and I talked about anything but diapers and snotty noses?â
Challenge: Blurred boundaries. Though Robin often works from home now, in the beginning, Erik had to adjust to flying solo: âWhen I was alone with the baby most of the time, things got lost,â he says. âIt would be noon, and Iâd realize that I hadnât eaten breakfast.â Having Robin nearby, even if occupied, helps: âIf i need to do something that will take me out of the house, she can take an hour or two of vacation or sick time instead of the whole day off,â says Erik. But itâs not always perfect: âOccasionally when weâre in the same room, Iâll hear a snap-snap of fingers and think âOh, sheâs on the phone, I need to get the baby out of here.ââ
Reality Check: In his relatively conservative office, Erikâs decision received a mixed reaction: âNo one said it was bad, but some said, âWow, youâre going to be a stay-at-home dad?ââ he says. âOccasionally you will get people who will comment: âYour wife gave birth to the childâdoesnât she have a better connection?ââ His advice: âIgnore all of it. Theyâll forget, and youâll be home, doing one of the greatest things that you can do.â

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Sarah J. Robbins is an independent writer, editor and content strategist whose work has appeared in Consumer Reports, Glamour, Good Housekeeping and Real Simple, among others. She lives in Brooklyn with her husband and two kids.